Ignition

Sometimes, these moments come at a random point, a name that sparks that hidden ignition, an expression or a child's innocent smile. So you contend with the uncertainty of when this ignition sparks and you think about dissipating the ignition once and for all.

Except, most of us don't know how to do that. So, most of us rather replace the original ignition with a new one. Until that new replacement comes, there is this waiting period. And nobody, nobody, likes to wait. Worse still, instead of attempting to be patient, we find crappy replacements for the time being.

In the end, we question how happy we are, we question how much worth it was. For those of us who did wait, we question if it was a good idea. So, would we, should we, have a black and white answer or a grey one?

Connection

Connection with people is such a flighty thing. It's short-lived. I wonder what keeps friendship between two people together? Should connection be naturally grown or should it be coerced into?

Two steps forward, one step back

Maybe online classes were a bad idea.

On top of about 50 page notes per course and average of 30 pages of textbook readings per week, I have like maybe over 20 messages to go through daily on the discussion board for each course. Each message is like a personalized long letter that I have to read in detail and respond accordingly.

Not to mention almost everybody has had some sort of experience with the industry, whether it be a published book, or a degree to that effect, or many a rejection slips. So, I have to be impressive in each response since I'm trying to step into the world of the elites.

haha, I don't think I'm used to full time work + part time school + designation titles. Although I must say this is probably the most challenging kind of fun I had in years, and that's really because I'm finally taking the first step. My mother was a bit skeptical about supporting me for my dream but I think I'll take what I can get.

Thanks Mark, Eugene, Salima, Rocellie and Andy for the encouragement! Especially Roce, who has encouraged me to do this almost 5 years ago! Always helps to have people in your life who give a little boost in order for you to jump. :)

Ram-ble....Eenie meenie miney mo

haha I'm having a little bit of a dry spell and I just didn't want my page to start off with the title "Morbidity", so I'm replacing it with this entry. Not that I have much to write because I'm all talked out. So, here's a whole list of random thoughts:

They say that true friends tell you the harshest truth. Well, I got a couple today haha. Not that it was comforting but I think because I'm such a bitch, and that he stood up to tell me that, I felt like he's the kind of friend you could really keep. Often times, it's the way people say things that make a difference.

People are intrinsically selfish. That's a really sad fact that I haven't been accepting of, for years.

Cirque du Soleil - oVo was so awesome!! My friend was thoughtful enough to get me seats that allowed me to see the show yet not be too close to the clowns, or, uh, lots of makeup people. At one point of the show, one of the clowns stood right beside my friend, but thank goodness he carried on. Their costumes just make them look so friggin' big that you feel like they've not only stepped over your personal space but just taken it over. Anyways, other than my unexplainable fear of clowns, the show was so great! I was just smiling and happy the whole time. It's probably the first time I've been completely fascinated, through and through. I like the idea of a small stage as well cuz it's just more personable and more intimate. I'm definitely going to go to the rest of their other shows.

The Time Traveler's Wife - yea I don't know if I loved it. It was just weirdly put together though I like the whole concept and everything. Have yet to see 500 days of summer.

Today, I accompanied a friend's friend's girlfriend and her friend who are from out of town and we went to Greektown. I need to learn more things about Toronto to share with people. (Good and bad things) Definitely need to visit the rest of Canada because it kinda puts me to shame that I haven't visited the other parts of my own country.

I've been here 14 years. Wow. (I was only conscientious of this when asked) That's roughly the number of years my parents were in Pakistan.

I need to improve on talking, and pause to think. And apparently, I'm all grown up. Not that I like it, because I've become cynical, uncaring, non-sentimental towards a lot of people who I used to think of as friends.

Was going to go to CNE but kinda glad I've decided against it. I'm really all sunned out from the weekend.

Paris - It was simply the best trip I've been on. Not that I've been to a lot of places haha. I just love the place probably a little too much. There are days when I'm here and I feel this lost connection with everything and everybody, that I think of Paris and I think of all the art, the culture, the vibrancy and I remind myself, that I'm not dead. I just miss the place. I miss being creative. I miss being alive, and having something tangible to show for it.

Connection with people. It's kinda dangerous for empathy levels really.