Morbidity

[For the past little while....]
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It's really depressing that within a week of coming back to Toronto, 3 deaths have been announced. These kind of announcements are happening far too often, especially with the sudden death of two of them.

Kinda hard to keep my spirits up. This past weekend, when riding a horse in this open field, I felt this incredible sadness about life. More so than usual. On top of all the struggles in life, we work hard on trying to get somewhere, trying to be someone, trying to love despite obstacles, then death can just strip away all of that in a split second. I think most of us are so busy just getting by, that we don't have the time; much less, the chance to leave a legacy behind, and suddenly things change. How is any of anything fair again, is a question I grapple with not much of a suggestion as to an answer.
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In Paris, while sitting in a really quiet park, I was doing a little bit of writing on my notebook when I just let my emotions catch up to me. My best friend was a little bit baffled as to why I was so emotional, so suddenly. Even after a few probing, I refused to open up, despite the fact that I confide a lot of things to him.

You don't ask or explain or confide something you stopped believing to someone who still believes, lest they don't understand you, or worse, misjudge you.

You don't tell someone (on a vacation) that you think life is incredibly unfair, this double standard in our society, this obliviousness and ignorance towards people who get the shorter end of the stick, this savageness in our world where everyone is only out for their best interests, where sex sells and everything else is, secondary.
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Just feel like maybe I have to start reading the Obituary section
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I never realized it but horses kinda have really sad eyes