Blah-bergasted

You know how some days you write for the sake of writing and not because you want to write? I've been feeling like that lately. I feel blah, which is why I don't really get into a chatty mood and ultimately, it affects my writing.

Between the conversation last night with one friend and another conversation today with another friend, I feel like they're feeling a lot of the stuff I used to feel. So, in a way, I'm walking through those feelings again while listening to them. Can't really help it.

In a nutshell, this is what I feel every day, at random moments of the day: sad, annoyed, happy, motivated, strong, angry and grateful.

I think most of you know that I'm not a big fan of furry toys, but I do like the feel of a dog's fur haha. Anyway, I really want a dog - preferably a German Shepherd or a Golden Retriever. I want it so badly. This want is ever growing.

I saw the eclipse the other night from my sister's room. It reminded me of the time when me, Lau and Gene went to Aurora to look at stars. I miss them. I miss their physical presence, especially when we all huddle in a car and talk till 5 AM.

I have to say goodbye to August before I start studying for my designation exam in September.

Lousy update

Allo everyone,

I apologize for not updating this blog quite as often as I used to. [Or calling you three in HK/Taiwan] Read on and you'll see why, though I have to warn you, this entry will be scattered because my thoughts are haha :P

Thank you to some of you for your e-mails. I am doing good. Much better anyway.

Things have been rough and calm all at the same time. I think my best friend said it best: "...you're dealing with past wounds again..." That's exactly what it is: past wounds. Forgiveness is not in my character, but neither is running away, at least I don't think so haha. The context of these past wounds mainly circle around friendships and personal shortcomings. Just the stuff I've been dealing with for the past few years, ya know?

By day, I am energetic/perky because my job requires me to be very busy and tense. Then I crash on the train on my way home. By the time I finish my dinner, you can usually catch me either reading, watching "So you think you can dance", writing senseless poetry and thoughts, drawing, listening to the Delilah radio show or dancing (uh, exercising) in the little corner of my room haha. Usually after reading a book, I end up being very emotional. Can't help it. Some of the books are written so well. I've neglected a lot of the things I'm supposed to do, but I get caught up with my books that I can't quite part with them. Just in the last month, I've already read 6 books. My boss, Julien, even gave me a book for a present! And hopefully, the next 9 books will arrive by next week. Ha, this explains why I'm hardly on MSN. Or I would leave it on but step away.

This summer's been very good to me. I've been seeing the same set of friends every weekend and lunches for the past 3 months. I've been spending way too many lunches in some of the restaurants on Queen Street with Valerie. Some of the things we've been doing on the weekends are touring around Toronto's cultural neighborhoods and parks, The Taste of Danforth, karaoke, shopping, Luminato, ROM, Taste of Asia, picnic, tons (I mean tons!) of movies, BBQs, beach and lots of mahjong, poker gathering etc. I'm itching to go fishing again. Think I'm going to give ice fishing a try! I've pretty much made up my mind to go to Vancouver in October for a week by myself. Hong Kong will have to be next year. Hopefully, I'll fit in Australia too. I regret not taking a proper vacation before I started full time, which was two months ago. I need a day to just relax my mind, which is quite hard for me! Someone once tried teaching me meditation so I can learn to relax, but I end up laughing at my thought patterns. [I can already hear Mark holding a stifled laugh and saying "crazy Jenn" here.]

I think the best part of this summer was having dinner with my 3 siblings in downtown and shopping together. And the family celebratory BBQs in the backyard. The most scary part was what happened couple weeks back. But alas, everything is okay now. Thank God! Other than that, I can see my parents really aging too, which is a very emotional thing for me because

The house has been busy too! During the beginning of the year, all 3 bathrooms were renovated, along with the porch, and installed a new air conditioner. Now, we have the driveway paved, front entrance interlocked, painted the basement. Not only has it been busy but it's been receiving some gifts, some of which are still coming!

I think that's all the update I can think of. Hope you are all well too. By the way, I love personal letters/e-mails, so you can keep them coming :) Oh and I love the postcard! You can keep 'em coming too! haha.

And now, back to reading some documents and researching. Ugh! I've been pulling some very late nights for the last three days and then going to work whole day! Oh, and I've been giving up on my coffee habit too on account of my headaches. Say hello to your new chrysanthemum tea lover! :)

All the best.

Cheers,
JQ