Bitchin'

So I'm going to snitch
about a total bitch,
who harnesses the hitch,
to build a ditch.

What a witch,
Filled with quitch.
Ya know what she pitch?
A pail of glitch.

Haha, I thought of the first two lines on the subway because I couldn't sleep and I was starting to resent people and their obscurity. Besides, I was listening to several of Jay Chow's albums which inspired me to pencil in my own thoughts. Came home and just had to finish it so I can possibly find the humor in all of this.

Inability

I love driving really late at night sometimes. It's really calm, soothing and beautiful. When I parked the car on the driveway at home, I looked up the clear night sky and saw all these stars. It was breathtaking.

Sadly, the stars reminded of everything that one night. That one night when what I believed for three years of my life, was replaced with disappointment and betrayal. I remember thinking how history repeated itself, how I had an intuition of what was to come and I trusted my feelings but I still didn't want to sever ties right away. I remember getting out of the car because I was overwhelmed with anger, and I ran out onto the street. There was a moment in that anger when I looked up at the night sky and thought, what a beautiful night it was, and what a dichotomy my heart was in.

It's really odd that most of the time, this scene doesn't usually replay in my head but seeing stars tonight really sparked those thoughts again.

Post cards

I absolutely love post cards! When Matt sent me a post card from England, I was so surprised because I didn't ask for one from him. When Eugene sent me a post card from Hong Kong, it put a smile on my face for two days! When Julien sent me a post card from Galapagos, I was honored. When Mark sent me a post card from HK, I was ecstatic even though he was forced to, in place of a souvenir haha.

I love letters. Something about a person's hand writing just makes me feel irritably good.

Maze

This year, I pondered on something that I otherwise conveniently ignore: destiny and God. It's really not a secret that I'm a really non-religious person so I suppose you'd think this little entry is a bit out of place.

Anyway, carrying on: I keep thinking that maybe God really does have a set design for me. The realistic side of me would argue, "No, you idiot. You reap what you sow." But then if I reap what I sow, then I'd turn out to have a very messy life. Obviously this is not true since I think I live a very ideal life.

If a certain childhood incident didn't happen, then I wouldn't learn how to be compassionate. If my parents didn't have the restaurant, then I wouldn't learn how to socialize with people from different walks of life. If my academic career wasn't nearly put on hold, I wouldn't have learned the joy of learning. If I didn't blindly learn to love Gavin, I wouldn't have learned how to properly love Ly. And if Ly didn't leave in a bad style, I wouldn't have learned just how much the value of family and friendship were. And if I didn't learn the value of family and friendships, then I wouldn't have realized just how much a miracle God had granted me.

And if I didn't read some stranger's words tonight, I wouldn't have realized just how all of this (nonsensical words, you may say) rings so true. So maybe, just maybe, all this walking and running in my life, is all a part of God's plan for me to achieve something. Though if you ask me, I think I have achieved quite a bit immaterially; I mean how else could I be so happy with life right now?