All up to this moment

So I'm going to do it. I'm going to sever the absolute last knot that ever tied us together. I've realized that sometimes things happen in life for a reason. Some of life's lessons can shake us up so much that we remember it more, and should the chance come up again, we'll realize that we can't make the same mistakes.

All my adversities have been worth it. Every single drop of tear, every single piece of the heart that shattered, and every grinding of the sweat have all been worth it. Because in a few days, I will be graduating. It's not much to some people but it means a lot to me because there were a lot of things in my life that I had to face while working for this degree. I'm sure a few others had to go through this stage as well.

Once upon a time, getting this degree was as much of your dream as it was mine. Because it meant us starting a new journey together, going on that cruise as a graduation present, going to HK and Australia together, and all the things we had compromised to suffice the meaning of us.

Now that this "dream" does not hold true anymore, I can do all the things I would have otherwise done: be there for family and friends, help them in any way possible, and do something for myself and myself only. Like dancing, like being given a chance to be completely independent and buying a place by myself, like being silly without being asked to act properly etc.

Now I can truly start. Monetarily broke but very happy.

Pre-Montreal

Ha, I have a couple hours to go before I go on this road trip to Montreal. As fun as it sounds, I can't help but feel a bit down. I just feel like this was a very tumultuous year, many ups and many downs, all pooled in together. I heard a love story today. I'm very happy that she's found it. I'm sure it's been a very long and hard journey for her and I hope she's found that dream she's wanted.
A part of me wants to be saved but the other part of me knows it's up to me. Not just romantically, but career wise. I honestly feel so numb and disappointed at the same time, in myself mostly. I hate giving up a part of who I am as a person and mould to all the stereotypes I should be. I'm really stubborn that way.

And now the one person I can share everything and be completely open to is going on a very long vacation. So that means he won't be as readily available, by phone or in person. I'm going to miss my best friend.

Every cloud has a silver lining

I had my moment of silver lining yesterday, when I was on my way to a baseball game. I've been really happy for the past few days, on account of having great family and meaningful friendships; but yesterday's phone call topped it for me. I was superbly happy that I was about to hug anyone at the Union Station, and skip the rest of the way to Rogers Centre. It's a good thing my friend Mark was there to share the whole thing.

I'm one of those people who don't like to contain her emotions, I tend to express them because I find it stifling to not let it out. Anyway, it sucks that I care about how I present myself in a community full of strangers, and in my business-casual outfit nonetheless; otherwise I would have been a great hopper haha, with a huge grin on my face.

On an unrelated note, I am going to finally see a good friend of mine, who's back from her vacation. I haven't seen her since her engagement party, so there's a lot of catching up between the two of us. And she's going to cook for me haha. I'm not sure about other people but I love it when people cook for me, or cook with me. There's a lot of fun and teamwork that's involved with preparing a meal together. It's also really romantic, when a guy cooks for me. Even better if a guy learns to cook FOR me. (Now venturing into day-dreaming land haha)